How to Handle Food and Body Comments During the Holidays: NYC Therapist Tips
The holidays bring together bright lights, traditions, and moments of connection, but for many people, they also bring something far less joyful: comments about food, weight, or your body. In New York City, where so many people work hard to care for their mental health, it can be especially painful to return home only to be met with criticism, comparison, or pressure to eat (or not eat) in a certain way.
Maybe you’re recovering from an eating disorder.
Maybe you’ve spent months building a healthier relationship with food.
Or maybe you’re simply tired of family members making comments about your plate, your weight, or the way you’ve changed since they saw you last.
Whatever your experience, if holiday meals or gatherings spark anxiety in your chest or shame in your stomach, you’re not alone. Countless New Yorkers share this struggle every year. And you deserve tools that help you stay grounded, confident, and connected to yourself — even if people around you don’t understand your boundaries.
In this blog, NYC therapists at Insight Therapy NYC share supportive, practical strategies for navigating food and body comments with more ease this holiday season.
Why Holiday Gatherings Can Feel So Triggering
Holiday meals are often layered with family history, expectations, and unspoken rules. Even if you’ve built healthy habits in NYC, being around family can pull you back into old patterns fast.
People comment without thinking
Sometimes comments are meant as “small talk,” even though they land deeply. Things like:
“Are you really eating that?”
“You look like you’ve gained/lost weight.”
“Should you be having seconds?”
“You’re so tiny; have more!”
These comments may be made casually or without negative intentions, but none of them are harmless – especially if you’re healing your relationship with food or your body.
Old roles get activated
You may fall into familiar identities you’ve long outgrown:
the “picky eater,” the “big eater,” the “weight-conscious one,” or the “dieting one.”
Even if you no longer identify with those roles, others may still treat you as if nothing has changed.
Diet talk is everywhere
Holiday tables often sound like:
“I’ll need to work this off tomorrow.”
“This is so bad for me.”
“I’m being good today.”
Diet culture is exhausting, and it can make it harder to stay connected to your own needs.
If you’re in recovery, the stakes feel higher
When you’ve done real emotional work to heal, hearing food or weight comments can feel destabilizing or even threatening. It’s not “overreacting.” It’s your body trying to protect you.
Recovery often involves rebuilding trust with yourself around food, movement, and self-worth, so comments that other people shrug off may hit deeper for you. Even well-meaning questions or observations can activate old patterns or fears you’ve worked hard to move beyond. Recognizing these dynamics is the first step to caring for yourself more intentionally.
How to Handle Food and Body Comments During the Holidays
Below are therapist-approved strategies to help you navigate meals, comments, and interactions with more grounding and less shame.
1. Plan Your Boundaries Ahead of Time
Boundaries aren’t confrontational – they’re protective. Knowing your limits before you walk in can help reduce anxiety.
Ask yourself:
What topics are off-limits for me?
How long do I want to stay?
Who can I sit next to to feel more at ease?
What’s my exit plan if things get stressful?
You can say:
“I’m focusing on my health in a different way right now.”
“I’m not discussing my body or food choices.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
Most people don’t intend harm. They simply repeat patterns they never questioned. Your boundary invites a new one.
2. Have a Support Person on Standby
Before the meal, choose one person you can text if things get overwhelming, like a friend in NYC, a partner, or a sibling.
Even a quick message like “Grounding please?” can help you reset.
Connection is one of the strongest antidotes to shame.
3. Use Grounding Skills During Meals
If comments or tension spike your anxiety, grounding skills bring you back into your body.
Try:
5-4-3-2-1 grounding (name things you can see, hear, touch, smell, taste)
Deep belly breathing (inhale 4, hold 2, exhale 6)
Pressing your feet into the floor to reconnect with the present moment
Grounding doesn’t change someone’s behavior, but it helps you stay anchored in your body.
4. Prepare a Neutral Response Script
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. A neutral script can help you respond without engaging.
Examples:
“I’m good, thanks.”
“I’m enjoying my meal.”
“I don’t focus on that anymore.”
“That’s not helpful to talk about.”
Short. Simple. Protective.
5. Shift Your Attention Toward Meaningful Support
One of the hardest truths is that some people simply cannot meet you where you are.
Instead of trying to win validation from those who won’t offer it:
Sit near someone who feels safer
Take breaks when needed
FaceTime someone who “gets it”
Remind yourself of the healthy life you’ve built in NYC
Supportive connections help buffer the strain of unsupportive ones.
6. Nourish Yourself Before the Event
Skipping meals to “prepare” for a big holiday dinner increases anxiety and dysregulation.
Try:
Eating consistent meals earlier in the day
Packing a snack if you’re traveling
Drinking enough water
Making sure you feel physically steady before heading in
A nourished body can tolerate more stress than a depleted one.
7. Let Yourself Step Away Without Guilt
If someone comments on your body or food choices and you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to step outside, go to the bathroom, or take a breather.
You can say:
“Excuse me for a moment.”
“I need a little break.”
Stepping away isn’t dramatic – it’s protective.
8. Remember: You Don’t Have to Stay the Whole Time
Holiday gatherings can feel obligatory, but your mental health matters more than tradition.
Give yourself permission to:
Come late
Leave early
Skip an event entirely
Attend only the part that feels manageable
Your well-being is enough reason.
How Therapy Can Help You Navigate Holiday Stress
If food, body comments, or family interactions bring up shame or anxiety, therapy can give you tools to understand your triggers, set boundaries, and build resilience.
At Insight Therapy NYC, our clinicians use:
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you respond to discomfort with self-compassion
Internal family systems (IFS) to explore the protective parts that activate around food or body image
Mindfulness-based approaches to ground you during challenging moments
Trauma-informed care for those healing from eating disorders or painful family histories
You don’t have to push through the holidays alone. Support is available, and the right therapist can help you move through this season with more clarity, steadiness, and choice. We invite you to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation or fill out our Therapist Matching Questionnaire to find a therapist at Insight Therapy NYC who feels like the right fit for you.
You Deserve a Holiday That Feels Safe
Food and body comments can be deeply hurtful, but you are allowed to protect your peace. With preparation, boundary-setting, and support, it’s possible to navigate gatherings with more confidence and less shame.
If this season feels heavier than you’d like, you don’t have to navigate it on your own. Insight Therapy NYC offers a grounded, compassionate space to help you manage holiday stress, food-related triggers, and family dynamics with greater confidence. You can schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation or complete our Therapist Matching Questionnaire to connect with an NYC therapist who truly understands your needs.
FAQs
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Holiday gatherings often bring together people who may not understand your relationship with food or your body. Comments hit harder when they come from family, especially if you’ve worked hard to build healthier habits. Old roles and dynamics can surface quickly, increasing sensitivity. If you're recovering from an eating disorder, these comments can feel even more destabilizing. The pain you feel is real, and completely normal.
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Neutral responses work best: “I’m good, thanks,” “I’m not discussing my body,” or “Let’s talk about something else.” These phrases protect your boundaries without escalating the situation. You can also redirect the conversation to neutral topics. Practicing your responses beforehand can make them easier to use in the moment. You don't need to justify your choices to anyone.
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Grounding skills can help, such as slow breathing, noticing your surroundings, or pressing your feet into the floor. Stepping away for a moment is also a valid choice. Remind yourself that their comments reflect their relationship with food, not yours. Connecting with someone supportive — even by text — can help you feel less alone. You can also quietly redirect your focus to the conversations or activities that feel safer.
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Yes. Skipping a gathering for the sake of your well-being is a legitimate choice. If attending feels unsafe, overwhelming, or destabilizing, honoring your limits is an act of care. You can adjust traditions or create new ones that feel more aligned with your needs. Your mental health matters more than anyone’s expectations.
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Therapy helps you understand your triggers, set boundaries, and build coping skills that make gatherings easier. A therapist can help you prepare personalized scripts, grounding techniques, and self-care strategies. If you’re recovering from an eating disorder, therapy provides additional support for navigating food-related triggers. At Insight Therapy NYC, our therapists specialize in helping New Yorkers move through family stress with more resilience and clarity. You can meet in person in our Manhattan office or online across New York State.
Resources
Associated Clinic of Psychology. How to Heal a Dysregulated Nervous System. Retrieved from https://acp-mn.com/about-acp/blog/how-to-heal-a-dysregulated-nervous-system/
NPR. What If the Best Diet Is to Reject Diet Culture? Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2021/12/23/1067210075/what-if-the-best-diet-is-to-reject-diet-culture
Psychology Today. Healthy Holiday Boundaries. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202112/healthy-holiday-boundaries
Psychology Today. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/mindfulness-based-cognitive-therapy
Trauma-Informed Care Implementation Resource Center.What Is Trauma-Informed Care? Retrieved from https://www.traumainformedcare.chcs.org/what-is-trauma-informed-care/
